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how to stop being jealous or competing with other women

Years ago, I struggled with competing with other moms- they were my marker for what to do better. faster. If their kids got straight A’s, I hoped mine would get straight A’s, AND join a sports team. Brutal.



At the root of it all, was jealousy. However, second grade taught me a few lessons I’d like to pass on here. With an OCD and Tourette’s tics diagnosis, the game changed, and I could no longer see how to keep up with others, let alone try to compete.


I homeschooled. It was what he needed to recalibrate his nervous system.


We had to focus on our family, and what we chose for our daily life. I didn’t have time to run to the store for a sale, we didn’t have the same money for a big family vacation, and we needed non-competitive sports. There was nothing anyone had that was “better” because what we were choosing was truly “us”. I didn’t have anyone to teach me how to stop competing with other moms- I just didn’t have the time or energy.


And there’s the cure of competition. When you stand on your own, you don’t have to compete or compare.


Here are 7 Ways to Stop Competing with Other Moms:


1- Gratitude – Looking around at what we currently have. Look at the gifts and strengths of each child. Our home. Our resources, food, clothing, laughter. Look at who our kids are – quirky, funny, amazing. Gratitude centers us in reality and dispels the need for “more”, or “better than.”


2- Identity – Who our families are and what we’re about is a guiding force. Without it, we borrow others’ identities and eventually, they don’t fit. Consider what your family values, what matters, what routines you value, and how your holidays are spent. All of these are part of our family identity and there is no equal to us!


3- Vision- Where we want to be in 1, 3, and 5 years is a strong guide for how to make the most of this moment with our families. Our vision and where we’re heading is unlike anyone else’s. When we put blinders on and focus our gratitude and values, and add in dreams and goals, we quickly realize we couldn’t compare even if we wanted to.


4- Honesty – Sometimes facing the truth that because of resources, we cannot compete is a sobering antidote. For me, I always wanted hair extensions, but my fine, curly hair won’t allow me to look great without losing hair. That’s the honest truth. This allows me to hold the wish, but let go of the jealousy.


5- Celebration– Authentically being happy for someone else’s choices, fortune, or hard work is a great way to refocus. Cheering on a friend or fellow mom allows us to encourage and tell her how amazing she is. Don’t be surprised if she says you were the only one who celebrated with her.


6- Perspective – Very often there is a backstory. Maybe they saved money for months for something, or their kid trained for months to get to their level. We don’t know. So, reserve the urge to compete or give in to jealousy. Truth is, we probably would not have wanted to walk the path they walked to get there. Our path isn’t better or worse – just different.


7- Look around- Most likely there are others who see you, your success, work, and family and are jealous or want to compete with you. ;-) This is why we stay in our lane, in our life, and cheer on those along the way.


There is often the desire to compete, but the really great mom is the one who seeks not to.

Why?


Because she’s the one modeling for her kids that who they are in the world is enough, and not who they can beat.


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